Should I call off my engagement? I’m so conflicted..?
I have been with this man for a little over three years,he proposed recently, and I accepted. Now, here’s a little background on our relationship:
We are in a long distance relationship. He is from Thailand and I am from Oregon. We met while I was completing two weeks of overseas volunteer work during college. We became friends, and spoke every day. In a few months we were an official couple. Now, three years and multiple visits later (all lasting between 2-6 months), we are engaged. We have both worked through a lot to maintain our relationship. He wants to start the process of applying for a fiance k-1 visa, which would allow him to enter the US and marry me. With all of that being said, here are my issues:
1. We don’t share the same sense of humor. I don’t know if the fact that we come from two different cultures has anything to do with this, but the fact that we have a real problem sharing jokes bothers me. Laughter is supposed to be what gets you through those rough times, right? We hardly laugh together,and when we do,it is forced.
2. He is of a different religious denomination than I am. He is a Seventh Day Adventist,and I am a Non-Denominational Christian. We have had multiple arguments about this, and I do not believe the arguments will cease once we are married, let alone, when we have children.
3. I want to get my Master’s degree ASAP. In order to do this, I will need a lot of money, which will be harder to obtain if I am paying for his car, his share of rent, his portion of food, etc. All of which I will need to do when he enters the country.
4. He is not an affectionate person,at all! I don’t want to be smothered,but I would like to receive at least one hug every day! He can go days without hugging me, kissing me, or holding my hand. It drives me crazy that I have to initiate any physical interaction between us. This is what initially led to the depletion of my affections for him, and then all the other aforementioned issues arose.
The thought of breaking off the engagement breaks my heart. Why? Because I feel like he is counting on me to help him get his education. He really wants to come to the US to better himself, get a degree,and be able to help his family. I feel responsible for this because this is the plan we have been talking about for years. He is truly an amazing person with a great heart, and I want to help him so much. I feel that breaking off the engagement will be extremely selfish on my behalf. I am seriously at a loss. I don’t know what to do. Please help!
Dan Richardson answers:
As an immigration attorney I have unfortunately see many case of visa fraud in which the alien party wants to use the US citizen for the sole purpose of getting a green card. It is suspicious to me that he wanted to initiate the fiance visa K-1 processing, yet he is not overly affectionate when you are together. You should look to yourself and your own priorities and see if he can demonstrate true affection before you start any processing. You can also have him provide the funds as you will be in school. Be very careful. In every case that I’ve seen, the US citizen never thought it would happen to them, but it did. The alien parties are excellent at convincing the citizen of their “genuine” emotions.